1. Understand Your Shyness, Learn to DRESS
WELL and be NEAT
We are all shy in our different ways. Seek to
understand your unique brand of shyness and how
that manifests in your life. Understand what
situation triggers this feeling? And what are you
concerned with at that point? Being shy most times
could be as a result of your outward looks. When
you are not comfortable with what you are wearing,
a lot could go wrong. Wearing dirty clothes and
under wears, hair not looking good, shoes worn
out, etc, would normally make you shy in most
cases when the situation calls for you to be at a
spotlight in any situation. Instead of facing the
work/presentation or issue at hand, you would be
imagining who is looking at your worn out cloth,
shoe etc. But when you wear something neat, and
lovely, you naturally feel good about yourself. They
don't have to be expensive but learn to ALWAYS be
neat at all times. Shave all shaveables, use
perfumes, don't leave your house wearing just
anything. Take it as a duty that from now on, there
are some things you MUST NOT WEAR outside
your house! This would solve your shyness 50%. It
is the day that you are not well dressed that you
would meet someone who knows you.
2. Turning Self Consciousness into Self Awareness
Recognize that the world is not looking at you.
Besides, most people are too busy looking at
themselves. Instead of watching yourself as if you
are other people, bring your awareness inwards.
Armed with your understanding of what makes you
shy, seek within yourself and become the observing
presence of your thoughts. Self awareness is the
first step towards any change or life improvement.
3. Find Your Strengths
We all have unique qualities and different ways of
expressing ourselves. It's important to know
and fully accept the things we do well, even if they
differ from the norm. If everyone was the
same, the world would be a pretty boring place.
* Find something you are good at and focus on
doing it. An identifiable strength will boost
your natural self esteem and your ego, helping you
better identify with yourself. It is a short
term fix, but will give you the confidence you need
to break your self-imposed barrier of fear.
* See how your unique strength gives you an
advantage. For example, Amanda is a naturally
quiet person who prefers to spend time alone. She
learned that she listens better than others and
notices things that others miss in conversations.
She also discovered that her alone time has
given her a better understanding of herself.
4. Learn to Like Yourself
Practice appreciating yourself and liking the unique
expression that is you. STOP COMPLAINING
about yourself...stop saying you wish your this or
that. Write a love letter to yourself, do things you
enjoy, give gratitude for your body and its effortless
functions, spend quality time getting to know
yourself, go on a self-date.
5. Not Conforming
Trying to fit in like everyone else is exhausting and
not very much fun. Understand that it is
okay to be different. In fact, underlying popular
kid's public displays of coolness, they too are
experiencing insecurities, self-consciousness, and
awkwardness. Accept that you may not be
perceived as the most popular social butterfly, and
you may not want to be either. At the end of
the day, being popular will not make you happy.
Accepting your unique qualities can set you free.
6. Focus on Other People
Rather than focusing on your awkwardness in
social situations, focus on other people and what
they
have to say. Become interested in learning about
others, and probe them to talk about themselves.
You can try pondering the question while
interacting: What is it about this person that I like?
7. Releasing Anxiety through Breath
Anxiety and fear can feel overwhelming if you are
practicing to become more assertive in order to
overcome this fear.
* One simple technique to calm this anxiety into
manageable bites is taking deep breaths with
your eyes closed, while concentrating on just your
breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly while
clearing out all thoughts.
* Another technique is from yoga: counting as you
inhale and then as you exhale. Slowly
leveling out your inhale and exhale duration.
Example, 4 count for in and 4 for out. Once your
breaths are leveled, add an extra count during your
exhale. This means slowing down your exhale by
just a tad as compared to your inhale. Continue for
a few minutes until you are comfortable, than
add another count to your exhale. You can easily do
this in the bathroom, or in a spare room of
when you need it.
8. Visualization
Visualizing yourself in the situation as a confident
and happy person helps to shape your
perception of yourself when you are actually in the
situation. Close your eyes, sit back somewhere
relaxing, listen to some relaxing music, imagine
yourself in a scene or situation and see yourself
the way you would like to be. In this scene, how do
you feel? What do you hear? Do you smell
anything? Are you moving? What do you see? Get
all your senses involved to make it real.
9. Affirmation
Words can carry incredible energy. What we
repeatedly tell ourselves, gets heard by our
unconscious mind, and it acts accordingly. If we
repeatedly tell ourselves that we are incapable,
and too shy to do anything, we will become
increasingly aware of evidence to back up this
'fact',
and our actions will always match what we tell
ourselves. Similarly, if we repeatedly tell
ourselves that we are capable, confident, and
wonderful human beings, our unconscious mind
will
likely surface the awareness that gives evidence to
this new 'fact'. While, we can't lie to
ourselves, positive visualization and affirmation
are helpful in placing us along the road of
positive thought patterns.
10. Do Not Leave an Uncomfortable Situation
When we leave shy situations, what we are really
doing is reinforcing our shyness. Instead, face
the situation square in the face. Turn the fearful
situation into a place of introspection and
personal growth. Become the observer and dig into
yourself, answer the questions: why do I feel
this way? What caused me to feel this way? Can
there be an alternative explanation to what is
happening?
11. Accept Rejection
Accept the possibility that we can be rejected and
learning to not take it personally. Remember,
you are not alone and we all experience rejections.
It is part of life and part of the learning
process. The key lies in how you handle rejections
when they come. It helps to be mentally
prepared before they happen:
* Never take it personally. It was not your fault. It
just wasn't meant to be. The scenario
was not the best fit for you.
* Find the lesson – what did you learn? There is a
lesson ingrained in every situation. And
through these life lessons lies the potential for you
to become a better person, a stronger
person. Nothing is lost if you can find the lesson.
See these as the blessings in disguise.
* Move on. Recognize that when you fall into self-
pity, you are not moving forward. Nothing
will be changed from your self-pity. When you start
to recognize this, it becomes clear that only
energy is wasted while we feed to our problem-
seeking ego. Pick yourself up, dust off the dirt and
move on to the next thing. Try again, try again, try
again. It will pay off!
12. Relinquish Perfectionism
When we compare ourselves, we tend to compare
ourselves with the most popular person in the room
or we compare ourselves with celebrities we see on
TV. We set excessive expectations by comparing
ourselves unreasonably to people unlike ourselves
and wonder "why can't I be that?" We carry with
us a vision of another's perfection and expect
ourselves to fit that exact mold. And when we don't
fit, we beat ourselves up for it, wondering why we
are such failures. You see, the problem lies in
our emphasis on fitting into a vision we have
created in our minds, which is not us. Let go of
this perfect image, create visions of yourself out of
the Being from who you are, naturally; and
let that expression flow, naturally.
13. Stop Labeling Yourself
Stop labeling yourself as a shy person. You are you,
you are unique, and you are beautiful. Can't
we just leave it at that?
14. Practice Social Skills
Like any other skill, social skills can be cultivated
through practice and experience. The more
you put yourself out there, the easier it becomes
next time. If you have a hard time knowing what
to say, you can practice what to say ahead of time.
15. Practice Being in Uncomfortable Situations
Sometimes, it is not the social skills we lack, but
rather the lack of self confidence that we may
succeed, and a heightened fear that we will fail.
Placing yourself in these uncomfortable situations
will help to desensitize your fear towards the
situation. The more you force yourself
to face it, and to experience it completely, you will
realize that it is not that bad after all. It may be
hard for your ego to accept at first, but quickly you
will find that you can just laugh and enjoy it.
16. What is Comfortable for You?
Going to bars and clubs isn't for everyone, and
that's okay. Understand what feels comfortable for
you, and find people, communities and activities
which bring out the best in you. You can be just
as equally social in settings that you connect with
on a personal level, than the popular social
settings. You don't have to be doing what
"everyone" else is doing. Besides, everyone else
isn't
necessarily happy, despite your perception as such.
17. Focus on the Moment
Becoming mindful of what you're doing, regardless
of what you're doing, will take focus away from
the self. When you are having a conversation,
forget about how you look, focus on the words, fall
into the words, become absorbed in the words. The
tones. The expression. Appreciate it and give
gratitude for it.
18. Seek and Record Your Successes
As you overcome this condition we've been labeling
as shyness, you will have many wins and
realizations about yourself. You will gain insights
into the truth behind social scenarios. You
will start to view yourself differently and come to
recognize that you can become comfortable and
confident. When these wins and realizations
happen, make sure to keep a notebook and write
them
down. Keeping a journal of your successes will not
only boost self confidence, but also shift your
focus towards something that can benefit you.
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