How to Be Good

1
Define what "good" means to you. Being good
does not mean only by outer goodness . You have to
consider being good straight from the heart i.e
purely . Ultimately, you have to decide on your own
code of ethics, and what matters is that you follow
through with what you believe makes you a good
person. At times, this may conflict with what others
believe is good, and they might even accuse you of
being wrong or evil. Consider their views-either
they know something you don't, in which case you
may learn something from them and update your
morality, or perhaps their experience is limited,
meaning that you should take their views with a
grain of salt.

2
Be good for its own sake. Don't try to be a good
person because your parents told you to, because
you want recognition or respect, or for any kind of
reward except your own satisfaction in doing what
you believe is good. Never act superior to anyone
else or brag about your "goodness" or
"righteousness". Your dedication to a particular
creed, ideology, or set of guidelines does not make
you better than anyone else. Do what you believe
makes you a good person on your own terms, and
remember that it's an individual journey-everyone's
path is unique. Do good by stealth, and blush to
find it fame.[1]

3
Be proactive. It's tempting to infer that as long as
you avoid doing the things you know are bad
(stealing, badmouthing, lying, intentionally saying
hurtful things, etc.), then that means you are really
good person, but there's more to it than that. By
avoiding bad behavior, you've made a big step
towards becoming a good person, but you've only
just begun. In order to be good, you actually have to
do good things rather than just avoid doing bad
things.

4
Consider the results. Have you ever heard the
saying that "the road to hell is paved with good
intentions"? It's not enough to want to do good, and
to try to do good-you must also think about whether
your actions actually had good results. Not every
attempt to do good will end with good results, so
when things don't work out, be willing to
reconsider your actions and change them
accordingly. Never let your sense of duty, loyalty, or
obligation get in the way of doing what's right.[2]
For example, many parents feel that it's good to
help their children in every way possible, but there
are times when children need to learn lessons on
their own and face challenges in order to achieve or
to avoid mistakes in the future. A child who has
been arrested on suspicion of drunk driving needs
to bear the responsibility of his or her actions. If the
parent bails the child out, then helps the child avoid
consequences, s/he will only learn that the parent
will be there to help even if s/he does wrong. The
intention is good (wanting to help the child
succeed), but the action might not be (removing all
obstacles from their path).

5
Consider the greater good. What might seem
like a good idea in your situation might not have a
very good impact on a broader scale (in the example
above, the child won't have experienced
punishment for the DUI and might go and violate
the law again, this time possibly hurting or killing
someone else). People often do right things for the
wrong reasons, and wrong things for the right
reasons. If you're playing a game with your team,
for instance, it might seem good to try and score as
many goals as you can to bring your team to victory.
But look at the big picture. How will your
teammates feel if you score all the points instead of
helping set them up to score at times, never
allowing them to get a shot in? How will that kind
of victory affect the team spirit? Would you still feel
good if your team won, but your teammates felt that
it was an individual effort and they weren't
involved? Consider the long-term impact of your
decisions and what they might mean for others.

6
Be balanced. In the struggle to be good, it's easy
to swing from one extreme to another. However,
any form of extremism can lead to closed-
mindedness, a quality that can be found behind
what most people can agree are bad deeds. In
Buddhism, there's a term for avoiding extremism:
"the Middle Way". Whenever you find yourself
leaning towards an extreme, try to find the Middle
Way before you act. This isn't going to be easy, but
if being good was easy, wouldn't every good-hearted
person be good? Here are some dilemmas you may
encounter:
It's good to be humble and kind, but is it not
good to be so humble and kind that you let
people walk all over you to the extent that it
damages your physical and emotional health, or
lessens your ability to care for, spend time with,
and provide for your family?
It's good to be responsible (pay your bills on
time, plan for retirement, save up for your kids to
go to college), but is it good to be this way to the
point that you hoard away hundreds of
thousands of dollars in assets and wealth for
your own family's financial security without ever
giving someone else (who wasn't fortunate
enough to be born into your family) a helping
hand?
It's good to be positive, but is it good to be so
positive that you ignore risks and brush
mistakes under the rug, never learning from bad
decisions because you're always "positive" that
it'll work out the next time around?
It's good to be honest, but is it good to be so
honest that you hurt people's feelings
unnecessarily, violate someone's privacy or
prevent someone from finding answers that they
might need to find for themselves?

7
Give people the benefit of the doubt. To the
extent that it doesn't jeopardize your safety (like
getting in the car with a group of people you just
met), assume each person you meet is a good
person, and act likewise. If you see someone do
something that you think bad, consider what they
are dealing with in the context of their own life-
don't jump to conclusions. Try to discover what
motivated their bad act, and if appropriate, show
them how it was hurtful by using nonviolent
communication. Many times, helping someone else
become a good person in a gentle, open-minded
and unimposing way can help you learn and
become a better person yourself.

8
Learn. Constantly improve your understanding of
what goodness means. Observe subtle or complex
situations and consider how you would act in such
a position. You can also learn from your own
mistakes, from others, and from history.

9
Find a guide. Seek out someone who you can talk
to about these important things. Relationships are
very important in life, and such a relationship can
be invaluable in your journey of becoming a better
person and doing good things.

10
Be a guide to others. Sometimes, you can learn
best by teaching. Make yourself available to help
other people and foster a genuine desire to see them
thrive. Believe in the power of your actions to
influence others. When other people see you doing
good deeds, they will be reminded to take more
positive action themselves. Nurturing someone else
and striving to be an example can help you see your
own acts more clearly.

11
Delight in goodness. Instead of focusing on the
bad things happening around you, find reasons to
dwell on the good. Notice small kindnesses that you
find yourself or other people doing, and constantly
remind yourself of the things for which you're
grateful. Feeling like you are surrounded by good
acts and nice people will inspire you to do more
good yourself.

NOTE: Avoid lying whenever possible. With the exception
of lies that protect others' feelings, telling the truth
is always easier than lying. And forcing yourself to
always tell the truth means that you'll be motivated
to make better choices when confronted with
dilemmas in life.

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