Impossible Fusion - written by Charly Boy

Article written by Charly Boy. Enjoy below...

A soulmate marriage does not at all mean that you
have found someone you match up with on all the
cards – on all the issues, on everything. That would
be the most deadly dull thing to even imagine.
Instead, it means you've found someone and they
don't ever want to blow out that little light inside
you. And you feel the same way about them.
Growing up, seeing my Dad and Mum play the
happy couple, holding hands, stealing kisses, made
marriage look so easy and beautiful. Hummmm for
where? Continue..
Don't get it twisted, I saw them argue and quarrel as
if they couldn't stand each other, but the next minute,
they were back to their normal routine of holding
hands and stealing kisses, even till my father passed
at 97.
Parents shouldn't really worry that children never
listen to them, they should worry that they are always
watching them. I always had my reservations about
'happily ever after' especially after 3 failed marriages.
I always wondered how two strangers can be
together for 40yrs, and guess what, I just woke up to
discover that I have been with the same woman, the
same smell, the same f--k, the same routine for the
past 36yrs, damn! Someone form another
background, home training, different ideology, IQ,
so many things different, if not all.
When you are not yet married, people give you
reasons why you should get married, as if one could
just go to the shop and pick a spouse off the shelf.
Even if that was the case, how do you know what you
are buying until you take it home. They tell you
everything good about marriage and how interesting
it can be, but they never promote the down side. "Just
marry the right person" is what they always say but
'right' itself is relative. Who is the right person? Dem
never born dem joor. In my village they will always
say, if one waits to marry someone like themselves,
they probably will wait forever.
Sometimes I think my wife is too good for me and
some other times I feel I should have done better.
Get it straight, marriage is no fairy tale. Marriage
isn't supposed to make you happy - and satisfied. It's
your job to make your marriage happy - and
satisfying. Same goes for sex. It isn't supposed to
make you passionate and "hot". It's up to you to make
it passionate and "hot" - and intimate. I see people
getting married every weekend and I wonder if they
know what they are getting into. So many are
consumed by just wanting to get the title, some by the
ceremony, others think it's a safe haven. As usual
most of us don't want to do the job, we want it so
easy. Hmmmmmmmm, see gobe!
The first time I got married, I guess my head was
filled with assumptions of what marriage should be
like; of-course I was immature and an armature.
However, it wasn't what I had assumed and so it
failed. The others too didn't work out because maybe
I wasn't psychologically and mentally prepared for
the mess, crap and bullshit in marriage.
I've been married to my wife Lady Diane for years,
and the seeming success of our marriage maybe as a
result of my experience from my other broken
marriages. Let's tell it as it is, marriage is somewhat
putting up with a lot of crap and bullshit, and we
must have a strong stomach for that. The word
'marry' is fusing two imperfect things together; so
how is it possible that two imperfect things are
merged? I guess it just means two people willing to
be in a mess together, constantly finding a way out.
When asked my secret of love, being married for over
36years to the same person, I say , "Diane and I are
happily incompatible and I have learnt to live with
that. She is an extrovert and believe it or not, am an
introvert regardless of how I putout as CharlyBoy.
The most important marriage skill is listening to
your partner in a way that they can't possibly doubt
that you love them. When we are listened to, it
creates us, makes us unfold and expand. It was when
I realised that love was forbearance that I had a
successful marriage. Both parties have to know and
have that. You bear and you keep bearing and you
keep bearing. To be a bearer you must be a forgiver,
sometimes no apologies rendered. Oooops! Yeah,
that's marriage.
Rice can never be beans and beans can never be rice,
if you like cook them in the same pot they will always
be different. They'll still perform their different
functions, what you will get is a different taste from
the mixture. That's marriage, what you get is not as a
result of only you anymore but a mixture of two.
You've got to take it as it comes. What counts in
making a happy marriage is not so much how
compatible you are, but how you deal with each
other's incompatibility.
Marriage is usually a disaster when so many things
take the partners by surprise, when things don't turn
out as assumed. The good always comes with the
bad, so it is with everything in life, marriage
inclusive. Any fool can have a trophy spouse. It
takes a real man to have a trophy marriage. I bet that
getting married is a way to show family and friends
that you have a successful personal life. It's like the
ultimate merit badge. My late father stayed married to
my mum for 60something years. Looking at my
stubborn mother, he must have been willing to
stomach a lot of crap, but am also aware that my
mum swallowed lotta bullshit too.
My guys, this marriage matter no easy sam sam. Kai,
abi I wan become marriage

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