an image of the wedding day comes in our mind. We
visualize the wedding day even with the minor
details. This is because attending a wedding function
starts has its charm right from our childhood. This
charm is of things like – the fancy dresses of the
bride and the groom, sparkling venue, music, lots of
rituals and a nicely dressed gathering. So when one
imagines his or her own wedding, this visualization
of the wedding day of course contains images of
family members, close friends, kith and kin. It
becomes really tough to visualize a wedding scene
without parents. There are some scenarios where
parents reject their son's daughter's prospective
partner.
Reasons Behind Such Strong Reservations
Different Culture/ Caste/ Religion
There is a strong belief amongst many family
systems that marriage should happen in the same
caste or culture or religion. These beliefs have no
logical reasoning in the present generations.
Social Pressure
Sometimes even if the immediate family i.e. parents
and siblings are not so conservative, but the related
families like uncles and aunts, grandparents have
the above mentioned strong opinions about marriage
in same cultures and castes. So this dilemma of the
parents to make choice between the harmony and
respect for their related families, builds reservations
in them.
Earlier Bad Experience
There are cases where the families excuse inter-
religion or inter-caste marriage earlier but for
whatever reasons if the marriage was unsuccessful,
then the families become very rigid.
Dislike on the basis of Physical Appearance
Families have preset image of the spouse of their
children. Their disapproval due to this factor might
not be genuine yet in some cases they strictly decline
the idea, in other cases they try to emotionally
blackmail for some time and later they make firm
decisions.
Reasons behind breaking of Marriages
without parental consent
Not all the marriages fail if the families do not give
their consent. Marriage is all about connection
between the husband and the wife. In case there is
lack of understanding the bond starts to break. The
easiest of all is to superstitiously say that marriages
without the approval of the elders don't prosper. Yet
some reasons for the marriages with the typical
condition of disapproval of families fail with the
following triggering factors :
Guilt
Some people go for the decision of marriage against
the will of the families, but with passage of some
time they experience a feeling of guilt. This feeling
gets expressed negatively on the partner either
verbally or in actions, thereby putting frustration in
the mind of the spouse.
Self doubt
Many times we take decisions while the whole world
is predicting the negative consequences of our
decisions. After some time we do start doubting
ourselves. This surely makes us perform some
negative actions leading to fights.
Over-expectation from the marriage and
spouse.
Some people do take decisions that are against the
current but then, they act selfish by expecting
unrealistically from their partner. They continuously
remind their partner of their extra responsibilities. A
stage comes where the partner gets totally fatigued.
Need of patch-up with the families after the
marriage
In majority of the cases where people marry without
the consent of the families, they start feeling a strong
natural calling from their families of origin. In such
cases they put a lot of pressure on their spouse so as
to get easy access to their families. This results in
discord between the couple.
Revenge of the Families after Marriage
In some scenarios the families suddenly agree for the
marriage. But after a certain period the families have
an unconscious need to settle earlier scores. This too
creates biases in the minds of the partner which
leads to a gap certainly.
Ways to tackle this problem-
Patience
It is important not to show any urgency for marriage.
Marriage is a lifetime decision. Any critical decision
taken in haste proves to be detrimental.
Understanding the underlying love and concern of
both families
Whatever the situation may be, still the reality is that
the root of the family's strong stand is love and
wellbeing of their kids.
Exploring the root cause
Counter reacting to the disapproval of the family is
never good. There might be a case that the family has
few concerns due to lack of awareness but reacting
strongly to the need of knowledge of the parents is
display of immaturity. One must try to understand the
core concerns and observations of the family
members. It is also possible that a warm discussion
with the parents get you an opportunity to remove the
misconceptions that they had regarding the partner
or the alliance.
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in comments are
those of the comment writers alone and does not
reflect or represent the views of Somayina.
No comments:
Post a Comment