depressed? Or, are you getting into a relationship
that you are not too sure of?
Well, if you have these doubt running through your
mind, then you need to start looking at various
aspects of your partner or potential partner's nature
and personality to determine whether this
relationship is healthy for you or not. When we
spoke to a few people who had or have been facing
problems in their relationships, there was something
we found common in them. They all had the warning
signs in front of them, and had either been ignoring
or overlooking them for long.
So, here are a few relationship red flags that you
must be looking for if there is a trouble brewing in
your love paradise. These are signs that you are
indeed in an unhealthy relationship, and it is best
that you either end things soon or look for
counselling.
#1. Temper outbursts
If your partner has temper outbursts at every little
thing that goes wrong, then something is indeed
wrong. Also, these outbursts need not be directed at
you. It could be about other people or even things as
well.
As Neha Khattani, a software developer by
profession, says, "My ex used to lose his temper at
the drop of the hat. Everything from my friends
messaging me when I was out with him to his
favourite team losing a match, everything sparked
his temper. Initially I thought that he is either being
too possessive or passionate about things, but it
slowly turned into bigger things, like swearing and
throwing things around."
Yes, temper at times is ok and justifiable, but if it is
happening far too often, then that is a definite red
flag. It can also be a sign that your partner is
unhappy and their unhappiness will definitely start
affecting you, too.
#2. Possessive and controlling nature
Is your partner over possessive about you to the
extent of calling you multiple times in a day, not
allowing you to meet any people of the opposite sex
or extremely jealous of your past relationships? Well,
then it is time you have a talk with them. Also, if you
feel that your partner is always holding the steering
wheels of your relationship and your life, and if he or
she forces you to make changes in your lifestyle just
to make them happy, then it is time you put your foot
down.
#3. Insults and bickering
Does your partner keep looking for ways to incite a
fight, and keeps bringing up past issues every now
and then? Or, does your partner constantly demean
you in front of other people or crack constant jokes
about you, your weight or maybe the work that you
do? If yes, then this is a red flag in rising!
Reader, Rajveer Kanan (name changed), a visual
merchandiser with an MNC, confesses on the
condition of anonymity, "I had an arranged
marriage, six months back. My wife and I hardly got
time to meet much before our marriage. After
marriage I realise that my wife constantly keeps
comparing me with her sister's husband and
cousins, whether it is about looks or my salary. It is
not like she had not seen me before marriage or
didn't know my work status. But, this sudden change
and constant bickering just gets on my nerves, and is
now affecting our relationship."
Rajveer has now decided to go for marriage
counselling to salvage his marriage that is on-rocks.
Well, if you are still in the dating phase of your
relationship, then it is a good time to look out for this
sign before things go out of hand.
Comparing your partner with your ex is one
of the most dangerous habits of some couples
#4. Jealousy and lack of trust
An important pillar of a healthy relationship is trust.
If your partner is constantly jealous of your
acquaintances and keeps calling you to check your
location, then it quite apparent that he or she doesn't
trust you. What's more? If their jealousy and lack of
trust makes them go snooping in your professional
life or social media, then it is a sign that a red flag
has been raise. You should not forget that a
relationship cannot survive if you don't trust each
other.
#5. They are critical about your family or
friends
If your partner dislikes your family or friends
excessively, to the point of avoiding them at all costs,
then you really need to ask yourself where your
relationship is going.
Roshan Parashar and Vidhi Arora both told us how
their respective partners' stopped them from meeting
their friends, and were always criticising some or the
other family member of theirs. Vidhi further told us
that her boyfriend, who never really got along well
with her sister and brother-in-law, had told her that
she would have to stop talking to them if she wanted
to marry him. Well, Vidhi chose her family over such
a relationship, and she is very happy with her
decision as well.
If you do get married, your partner will have to accept
your family for who they are. Or, at least should not
interfere or cut your relationship with your family
and friends.
#6. Lying
Lying to your partner about something can also be a
sign of an unhealthy relationship. If you truly love
him or her, you would not be afraid to admit the
truth, no matter what.
"Anuj and I met through a matrimonial website, and
we instantly hit it off," says Pritika Majumdar. She
further adds, "Soon our wedding was finalised. But,
during our courtship period I realised that things
were not as fine as he was showing them to be. He
was constantly lying about his whereabouts, making
excuses when I asked him to introduce me to his
friends, he avoided in detail questions about his
professional life. All this got me really worried, and I
decided to hire a private detective. What I discovered
was very shocking. Anuj was in a live-in
relationship with another girl, and he had a closet
full of secrets."
Well, constantly lying, making excuse, cooking up
stories that don't collaborate are signs that things
are not as fine in your relationship as they should be,
so keep an open eye, like Pritika did.
#7. Blaming you
Are you the one whom your partner blames for
anything that goes wrong in his or her life? If yes,
then you need to get out of this relationship before it
starts taking a toll on you mentally. Also, if you
constantly have to defend yourself, or you end up
blaming yourself for their problems, then it means
that you need to rethink about this relationship. Such
negativity is not good, neither for your mental health
nor your relationship.
#8. Sexist attitude
This one is mostly for the women, if your partner
does not respect women and believes that "their
place" is in the kitchen, then time to retrace your
steps in such a relationship.
As Anuja Mishra, a 28-year-old music teacher who
is going for arranged marriage and is often meeting
potential grooms, says, "Looks, money, salary, etc.
everything comes and goes, but if there is no respect
in a relationship then it is definitely not worth
getting into. I met this NRI guy whom my parents
had shortlisted for me, and I discovered that the only
reason he is looking for an Indian girl for marriage
is that she will look after his parents and him. I met
him 4-5 times, and that is all he kept talking about.
And, I knew that this would be a relationship were I
would never get any respect, and would effect my
individuality."
So, whether you are in a relationship or plan to get
into one, do make sure that your partner is respectful
towards you and the people around you.
#9. You have to defend it to your loved ones
There may be people in your family who might not
instantly fall in love with your significant other; but
if it is general consensus among your family and
friends, then read on.
Apart from the person you are with, it is your family
and friends who know you best. And, if they all feel
that you are stepping into a wrong relationship, then
you should consider listening to them. If you have to
constantly defend your partner in front of your loved
ones, then it is a relationship red flag.
#10. Constantly wondering about being in a
wrong relationship
This is the most surprising one that a few of our
readers did bring to our attention while they send in
their views on 'red flags in a relationship'. If you find
yourself wondering more than often about being a
wrong relationship, then chances are that you are
probably in one.
As Praveen Kukereja says, "From outside my
relationship looked perfect. I thought things were
going smooth, but I always had a thing going on at
the back of my head. It was like something was
wrong. After a while when I closely looked into my
relationship, I realised that I was in a relationship
that was one-sided. It was just about giving, but from
my side, be it my time, attention, love, trust or
respect. My girlfriend never reciporcated my efforts,
and I had just been ignoring this. It was a
depressing period of my life."
Yes, it is not always necessary to know the reasons;
at times, things are right in front of us and we just
overlook them. So, try to make a mental note of
things that are bothering you. And, talk to your
partner freely and truthfully about your doubts. It is
important to go with your gut feelings every once in a
while.
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in comments are
those of the comment writers alone and does not
reflect or represent the views of Somayina.
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